Is He Hot Or Is He Homeless?

I used to wonder how so many people in LA could have so much money. It seems like no one is working, everybody is just "hang'n out". Everybody is either having lunch, shopping, hanging out at Starbucks all day, doing yoga, going to Runyon Canyon, getting their nails done, going to a "meeting" (AA?), getting their hair blown out for the "Maxim 100" party, heading off to Cabo, going to the car wash, looking for someone to re-arrange their closet or doing NOTHING at all.

I used to wonder how they get away with this. How do they get by without working? What do they know that I don't know?

It takes a while of living here to figure out the answer to that question. The answer is, it's not WHAT they know, it's WHO they know. Most people here are mooching. Don't get me wrong, a lot of people here do have money, but most people don't... it just seems like they do.

I think that most people move to LA with good intentions. They imagine themselves working hard and taking this town by the balls to become either rich or famous or both. Maybe they do get a great starter job when they get here. They get a job at a good record label or they get a job as somebodies assistant at William Morris or they get a crappy job but are playing pool one night at Barney's Beanery where a casting agent for Levi's happens to be having a drink and hires them on the spot for a national commercial (this happened to my friend).

They start to think "Yes! I've got this town by the balls". Then reality sets in. They are working their ass off at some job. They take a look around and wonder why it seems like everyone in LA has so much money and are just hang'n out while they have to work their ass off.

This is when they come to the crossroad. They can either keep working hard and living their own life or they can make that decision to begin living off of someone else's life by being a mooch or a scrub or a whore or a Kato Kaelin or whatever you want to call it. It all equals the same thing...SCUMBAG.

There are SO many scumbags in this town and I've watched a lot of people pick this path for themselves. I'm not talking about just young people. I'm talking about all ages.

I can't imagine being in my 30's with no car, no job, no money, no life and mooching off some other person. I know so many people who do this! I have known one guy for years. I'll call him Juan. Juan is almost 40 years old and has none of the above. He lives in the guest house of a famous actor who lives in the main house with his family. Juan started off years ago by having a great job at ASCAP(American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers). He had money, his own place to live, health insurance, a car and a life. But Juan made a decision at some point to become a scumbag. Not an obvious scumbag because he is very funny and appears to be your BFF, but he is after all a scumbag. If you don't have anything to offer him, he is move'n on.

Juan only hangs out with 18 to 24 year olds, so he can be "the cool guy" who knows famous people. Hanging out with him can be expensive though because you will have to pay for him. If you look at Juan's Myspace and Facebook pages, he looks like he has his shit together and has such an awesome life. All of his pictures are with famous actors and rock stars. He gets to tour the world sometimes with bands because he pretends that he will do some work for them. Juan's tour usually ends early though when they figure out that he is just a scumbag:( At least he's got the pics for Myspace.

If you choose this kinda life and want to be an LA scumbag yourself... you may get to go to lunch, you may get to go to the "Maxim 100" party, you may get to go spend the whole afternoon at Starbucks, you may get to just "hang out"whenever you feel like it, pretend that YOU'RE rich and famous, get a mani and a pedi while inhaling fresh oxygen combined with chamomile, you may have no money, go to Cabo, do yoga in Malibu at Flea's house, go shopping with your "buddies" black AMEX card, not have to work, spend Christmas in Aspen, drive someone else's car, live in someones guest house AND have to pay for NOTHING.

But, I promise you this. You had better have a Plan B set in place because one day your tour will end too. And not even Johnny Junk will want to share his lunch with you.