Tuesday, May 20, 2008

My First Post


A picture is worth a thousand words (or is it a million these days), right? That is why I wanted to start of my blog with this photo. My friend Sallie (not her real name) took it and I really think that it says it all. The Hollywood Hills are on fire and nobody cares!



Everyone in LA is so into their own world that they can't be bothered with something such as fire. Big deal, I gotta get my nails done. Who cares, is that bitch skinnier than me? Whatever, check out my new tat. Move it asshole, I have a date at the dog park. Ask me if I care, did you see Mary Kate hurl at Hyde last night? I did but she was rockn' these pair of Christian Louboutins that I would rip her hair out for. Wait! Is that smoke coming from Griffith Park or Nichols Canyon? Fuck! Is that by my house? Shit!



Don't get me wrong. I love this town. I really love it. But almost everyone here is crazy- selfish. I think that is because most people here are not FROM here. This city is made up of young people and foreigners. Not much in between. There is always a lot of transition here. People come and go all the time.


Trying to find a place to live is a job all of its own. You are competing with a million other people who are looking at the same place. It's a lot easier when you know people. It's kind of like getting into the new hot spot. You have to know people. Nine times out of ten you pass your old place onto one of your friends or someone you know through one of your friends. That is also how you find your new place. This is much easier to do after you have lived here a long time. I feel so sorry for people when they have just moved here. It sucks for them. They have no idea where to live and end up in some crappy apartment in some crappy neighborhood. Hood being the operative word. That is when you lie in bed at night and count the gunshots. 1-2-3-4-5. It's kind of like a game that you play when you are trying to fall asleep. Or, you play the game of how far away was that shot from my apartment? Three streets over? One night after counting the gunshots I realized... Hey! They are shooting at someone! Someone is being shot at! Did someone just get shot? I'm laying in my bed and I'm listening to someone get shot! Oh Shit! But then you wake up and it's a beautiful new day. It's always a beautiful day. That is one thing you can count on.


I always tell new people that they will hate it here for the first two years. You are not going to know where you fit in. You will pay a butt load of money for a shitty apartment. Your jobs will suck. People will suck even more. It won't be the dream that you thought it would be. If you want to be an actor (My heart sinks. God bless you, you will need it), Hollywood has NOT been waiting for you to arrive so don't take it the wrong way. The 99 Cents store is on Fairfax and 6TH Street. There is also one on La Brea. Yes, there is traffic. Get used to it! Parking also sucks and you will have to pay for it wherever you go. Get used to that too! If you ask someone how long it takes to get somewhere, they are always going to tell you that it takes 10 minutes. Not true and you will start telling people the same thing. I don't know why we say "The" before every freeway but we do. The 405, the 101, the 10. When you finally make some friends, they are not going to pick you up when you go out with them. You have to meet them there. This comes from the fact that we have commitment issues here. Nothing against you. Well, maybe it is against you but either way you will have to drive yourself there. I don't care if it only takes 10 minutes to get to your place. If that is even the truth (it's not), you gotta move dude! Going to the beach in Santa Monica at night might seem like a great idea but anyone who has lived here for MORE than 2 years will not be going with you. It's a bad idea. It's a really bad idea. Johnny Junk is going to ask you for money every time you get out of your car. Expect this. I don't care where you are, he will be there with his hand out. Even at the ATM, like you're going to give Johnny Junk a twenty. You only have $23.67 in your account and you're going to the 99 Cents store! So, you need to decide what your response will be. In the past, I have made friends with a few Johnnie's and only give to them. It's easier and you will have less guilt. Feel free to offer your doggie bag if you didn't eat off of it. If you are going to turn Johnny Junk down on the loan, look him in the eye. Don't pretend that you don't see him. It's not nice. When you ask people to do something, their answer will be "Maybe". Again, this is the commitment thing. You will have to turn left on a yellow or most likely, a red light. Don't be a pussy. Get out there and go or else everyone will be aiming all of their road rage at YOU. You will miss wherever your hometown is. You will feel sad, lonely, poor, sorry for yourself and out of sorts but one day around the 2 year mark while you are on a plane and landing at LAX after visiting the place where you grew up, you will look down onto Los Angeles and say to yourself "I'm home".

1 comment:

christy said...

OMG! I'm so jealous you know Brad Pitt, He seems like such a great guy. I can't wait to read more.